Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
