I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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