69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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