haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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