No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
