Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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