dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
