The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
