He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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