I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
