after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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