I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
