It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
