Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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