why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He shit in the fireplace
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
