How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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