guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
