$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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