you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
