We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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