um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Do vagina's smell?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
