Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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