ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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