Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just want nice things and good sex
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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