I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You took a bar mat shot.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
