i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we made out on top of his cat.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
