I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
