So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
