I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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