My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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