Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
