you have to choose: penises or morals?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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