i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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