I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
