I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
