im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
