Can Purell be used as lube?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
