i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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