yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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