There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
