the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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