Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
