I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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