I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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