did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
