i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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