Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
