I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
