Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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