i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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