We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
did i just pee glitter
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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