also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
