Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
