i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
