Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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