i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
