dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
