I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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